Flying by the Seat of my Pants

So the more I’ve seen lately and the more I’ve come across in the last month or so I’ve realized one thing holds true, even for the experts, we are all flying by the seat of our pants. Experts, no they can’t be, are just a lot more confident about what they are up to than the rest of us. We all are at some point treading on new ground and asking questions about stuff. Well, where are we all going?

I’m not so sure myself where all this is leading and I know that most of it is being made up. I can say with some certainty that I know I’ve done this and I’ve been to some of these places before. I know what happened last time, I know the result is never the same twice. So I figure an average of the two and aim a little bit higher. This is the calculated risk we must all take. The calculated risk is in our personal life, in our professional life and even in rock climbing. I forgot about a video I was referred to until I started writing this post. It seems very fitting here. I see good and big things coming but a little risk is definitely involved and that is the only way to really truly make it come true.

I know this is a shorter post than most in the past but this is truly an insomnia muse.

Later

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Life is always changing…

Sometimes…

… it feels like that rug just gets pulled from underneath you just like that. I am so glad the Olympics are over; don’t get me wrong I think it’s great a time to share world peace and a time to share everything but I really hate NBC’s coverage of it all. I know there are struggles out there and there are challenges every athlete must overcome but NBC’s art of making it all so sappy for every single US athlete is just plain annoying. It is even more annoying when we wing everything and don’t really give the athletes that truly deserve to be covered any time at all. I wonder about what happened to the countries that don’t have the same opportunities as we do here in the US? Iran had a woman skier for the first time ever this is a major break through in a country with so many other issues. There are many more stories like that we don’t hear about and that go untold.

I have gone, predictably, on a tangent. now I must return to that rug I have so mentioned. I post a picture here

Jax is being surrounded by Peruvian Authorities to produce filming permits while on location filming (Summer of 2009)

to point out how crazy things are and how I feel at this very moment. I know how public this blog is now that I have it connected to my twitter feed and vice-versa. I feel it has to be that way, to work with me you have to know me. I am a brutally honest person because I expect nothing less in return. I don’t care if it gets me in trouble more often than not but hey so you live and so you learn. At this moment I am at the fork of the road so to speak, I am trying to figure out a few things:

1. What to do for my final M.F.A. project and when I should start it.

2. What to do over the summer after all of June’s adventures are over (my race, my cousin’s wedding in Houston and seeing a long missed dear friend or two)

3. Where I’ll be in 3 months after some of the chaos of this semester has settled.

So where do I go from here? I would like some of the projects I’m working on to take off I think they really do have a chance like Spirits, and the robot and of course most importantly my company Freelance Jax. I know I have a long hard struggle in front of me to make that last one come true but I am ready for anything at this point. I’ve been through enough I will do pretty much anything to get that company settled on its own two feet.

So truly where do I guide myself through these points? I don’t know only time and my next few steps will tell.

On The Road

I so dearly want one other thing soon, it took me a long, long time to find the old post (My Retirement Post) and remember some of the goals I had set for myself by the time I turn a little older. As cliché as it sounds I’m not getting younger and I feel as though I’m loosing a battle of time and energy to move past personal barriers. I know that nothing really is stopping me other than myself. I can’t be really stopped from doing anything I want by really anyone out there so why is it so hard for me to take that next step? I have started slowly but surely selling off stuff I don’t need or use. I am now selling my old PS2 my TiVo and possibly a few more items as they come along. I really don’t use much of my stuff anymore except my camera, and my computers. Even the DVD player seems to sit there since I really don’t interact with physical media that much anymore. If you see something of mine that you are interested in make me an offer more likely or not I’ll sell it off to you minus a few things (I do have some limits as few as they may be).

So I do want to hit the road lighten my load and just travel for a bit, see some sights maybe go climb a bit get my self in shape live a bit like when I was in Peru and I was having a little fun out in the Andes. I would love to go back and see Cloud Croft, NM or for once actually see some other small Texas towns and then head up and see the Pacific Northwest to Oregon and Washington. Maybe stop by and see some old friends along the way and make some new ones while I’m at it. I wish things could be as simple as they seemed in the movies like the end of Swordfish.

I don’t know though, life is good that it changes and you’re not stuck in a rut. You’re only stuck in a rut if you allow yourself to be stuck in one. I say if you don’t like something change it. you have the power to see what around you can make it happen.

Later Days,

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Trapped…

Have you ever felt like you were in a box even though everything was going well? 

I know right now I’ve got pressures on me to preform more than I’ve ever had to and I don’t mind that’s freeing. It’s the rest of my life I feel trapped in.

So how do you get out? How do you put yourself to sleep? I can’t figure this out and I’m starting to feel claustrophobic. It’s not the small spaces, it’s my life.

Later Days,